Day 2 recap- HCG Diet
Yesterday I was committed, but was afraid something was terribly wrong. I wasn’t really hungry but still very excited when meal time rolled around, but when I ate an orange suddenly I felt like my “self” was about 6 inches above my body. I wouldn’t classify it at lightheaded, but just not right. Fortunately I am well supported and Dr. Stacy knows to check on me. She recommended that I add an extra dose and not let myself get like that in the first place. Here’s what I think the problem was,during the binge phase (days 1 and 2 aka Phase 1) you are supposed to really, really binge. You need to get your fat stores loaded and ready for the upcoming phases. Now I ate, but not nearly enough. On Sunday I was probably on the right track with breakfast (2 eggs, bacon, french toast, hash browns and corned beef hash), but that was all I ate most of the day. We had very lean meat for dinner and although I was still hungry I was in the mentality that I shouldn’t. This is part of the problem of course, the relationship between food, what your body needs and guilt. It’s a terrible menage-a-trois of bad behaviors. I knew what I was getting ready to ask of my body. I knew that going from a not so great diet to 500 calories a day would shock the system. I knew that although it seemed indulgent, those binge days were part of the diet too. I knew the science of why I needed to eat like that, but I let the
normal guilt that most overweight people feel when they eat things they enjoy get the best of what was best for me at the time. What I am slowly figuring out about HCG is that you aren’t just resetting your metabolism you are resetting your entire outlook on food. I am not one of those people who look at the food choices and think “great it’s limited so I have fewer decisions to make.” I look at the food choices and think, “how am I going to keep myself excited with these choices.” I like food. I like it to be tasty and flavorful and memorable. There is nothing wrong with that, what I know now is that I don’t need to have half a cow or the giant, Franken-chicken breasts we have now to be satisfied. Four days ago if you told me that I would be full off of 4 ounces of chicken breast (1 tenderloin approximately) and some salad, I might have punched you in the face, but that was my lunch. I seasoned the devil out of that little strip of chicken and made my own salad dressing (balsamic w/ spicy brown mustard and garlic and a squirt of lemon juice) and it was gooood. For dinner I had tri-tip cut into medallions (increase the surface area for flavor) pan seared that, then de-glazed the pan w/ water, tossed in some onion and more garlic (I have a problem) let that cook down a bit, tossed in some greens added a bit of water and lemon juice and steamed until tender. It was so tasty and satisfying too. Even with all the seasoning I am still tasting the actual food for what it is. Onions are sweet, beef is meaty, chicken is still chicken but I didn’t spring for the good stuff. I was intrigued with the “slow food” movement, but now I get it. When I come through the other side of this, I will make better choices. I will understand, and follow what a serving size is. I never want to be this fat again, but I still like bacon. I need to make that work for me- in moderation. Bacon is a long way off (127 lbs away) but I am seeing this for the tool that it is and thankful that it’s working.
About a month ago I got a wake up call. I was working an Ocha and it was Ita day so no one but me and priests were in the house. I was upstairs cooking (you don’t get this size without being able to throw down in the kitchen) and one of them came up and called me down. This is not a good thing. Shango told me to get off my ass and make Ocha like yesterday. Usually when that comes up it’s about health. When people think health, they think physical, but I’m fairly sure it was my mental state. I can’t look in the mirror or at photos without feeling ill and ashamed. What I have let my body become is an abomination to me. It has worked it’s way into every aspect of my life and it kills me to the point where I want it to be literal. I can’t continue this way. I need the boost that this diet affords me to realign myself with my proper path.
Anyhow, so day 2 was deep, and difficult, but strengthened my commitment to making this work.