I remember that day

Crystal clear

The smell of impending autumn in the air

Heady with the possibility of a new life

Drop the kid off

Check

Run home grab a quick bite before class

Check

Then the plane hit

The drive was never so long

Then the speculation began

The atmosphere was never so surreal

The towers were coming down and I thought you were in the middle of it

There was the vague notion (idea)(memory) that you were there (in that city)

and that I did not, in fact, want you to go that way

In retrospect, I wish you had

If you had died that day, like I was afraid you did

There could have been redemption in that end

I could tell your son that you perished

And that you loved him

And that you were a good person.

I could have talked about your good side and  your smile

Your talents and charms

I could have moved your into a noble role

I could have explained your absence

But now he is forced to learn the truth

That there is no nobility in your actions

I can’t even talk about you lest that make your absence more profound

I can’t respond when he wonders about where certain traits come from

I can’t look my son

YOUR SON

in the eye and give a convincing reason you aren’t there

If you had died that day, I would have something to tell him

But now his loss is even more profound

That Because not even that day could make you change